Empathy (and why it's so important)
Hello friends. Every now and then I like to vent in a blog post and I thank you for allowing me to do so. One thing that everyone who runs any kind of non-profit charity, no matter whether it's animal oriented or human oriented, have in common is a large amount of empathy. You have to put yourself in the shoes (or paws) of those you are helping, understand their perspective and feel the need to help them through their problems. Often this comes at a personal expense, time, energy, emotional upset, frustration, sadness, but it also provides satisfaction. When you have helped someone and they tell you how much your help has meant to them, it fills you back up. All of the things you feel have been drained from you by all of the work flows back into your soul and keeps you going. Not everyone is willing to do this or is capable of doing this type of work, and that's okay. But we can all practice empathy in our everyday life. I believe that we are at a place in this world where empathy is dying. People have become too self-focused, angry or afraid. As a society, we need to re-focus.
Social media is full of angry people. We have to try to understand why they are so angry, or we can never heal. That anger is often misdirected or undirected. It's just anger with nowhere to go. So it bubbles up and spills over and becomes a victim mentality that wishes to victimize others in order to self-soothe.
Most recently, we've seen immigrants being accused of heinous things (eating dogs and cats, which is been disproven in every way possible, yet is still believed by some). Of course, this is a product of political rhetoric, but the problem is why are people so willing to believe it, spread it, inflame it and go so far as to threaten and demonize people? Because they're angry people and this gives them a place to weaponize that anger.
So where does all this anger come from? People who are dissatisfied with themselves, their lives, their situation. Some are struggling financially, some are struggling with relationships, some hate their jobs, feel lonely and isolated, are afraid or depressed. Rather than hate these people for the ugly things they say, we need to try to understand them. I'm not saying that we should allow their actions to go un-checked or that we should accept the terrible things they say, or the hateful things that they post. In reality, many of these social media hate accounts are bots and post hateful things in order to get engagement from the angry people. Unfortunately, it works. I often block other social media accounts that are just looking for a fight. It's not worth engaging with them, they simply want attention. But now and then I find someone who makes a comment about "immigrants ruining our country" and I do engage with them in a thoughtful manner. I ask why they think that. More often than not, they have no real answer. They're just repeating a talking point, even if they don't know why.
My success rate is about 1:100. But if I make a difference to that one person, I've made a difference. To those who complain "Immigrants are taking our jobs!" I ask if they know one single person who has lost their job and been replaced with an immigrant. No one has ever been able to provide a single instance.
Of course, beyond immigration being a flashpoint, there are also the people who hate LGBT people, Jewish people, minority groups, and just about anyone else who isn't in their particular class or social group. It's more misdirected anger, irrational fear and a complete lack of empathy.
Until we can get people to focus on fixing their own problems, rather than blaming others for them, we can not get them to show empathy to others. We need to reverse the hate/blame vicious circle. To do that, we must help others. It's hard. But by showing empathy to others, we are showing them that empathy is a good thing, that someone is listening and that maybe passing on that feeling is possible.
In the non-profit sector, we don't ask people about their politics or their opinions on social issues. We just help them because they asked. By doing them a kindness, we hope they will see that kindness and empathy shown to them is something they can pass on. We encourage that, although I don't know if that will actually happen. But we can hope.
Help your neighbor, reach out to that co-worker who seems to be struggling, ask people how they are doing. If you have time, volunteer in your community. If you have money, donate to a charity that is making a difference. If you have neither, take just a moment from your day to listen to someone who needs to be heard. Encourage people to empathize with others.
I am not saying to ignore hate. Hate is never acceptable. But try to find out why people hate. Ask them questions, be patient. Some are so entrenched in their hate, you can not change them. I will never abide those who put themselves above others, who think that other people are an "abomination" in any way, or that people do not deserve to be treated equally because they are different than they are. But there may be one who will listen. If you can make just one person think differently, maybe they can make one more person think differently, and so on and so on. It's worth a try.
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